The Evans Almighty Era

On thursday evening i travelled down south to the Brighton Centre to watch one of my favourite comedians Lee Evans perform his 2008 tour - 'BIG'. The performance of Lee was as ever energetic with him sweating within minutes of coming onto the stage prompting the phrase 'i need fucking guttering'.

The best part of Lee Evans performance's has allways been the acting with his funny face pulling and extrovert body movements which for this tour was somewhat toned down. The show began with Lee having a panic attack in his changing room which goes slightly overboard after he sweats too much and causes his changing room to flood before pulling the plug.

The arrival on stage was inevitably met by a rapture of applause, intrigued into what his first line would be to start the laughter filled evening i was disappointed when i heard him re-use the phrase 'you could fart in here and two years later the roof cleaners will be like... cooor.. have you farted'. My first thoughts were oh dear he's going to use old material but thankfully that was all he reused. He then went on to refer to the giant screens behind him which i found incredibly off putting through out the whole performance as i often found myself watching him on the screens rather than him on stage, taking away the 'live' aspect of the performance.

He stuck to the tried and tested formula of discussing - sport, road rage, and marriage of which he puts his on spin on. Within sport he tackled the issue of football players diving and the extroadinary amounts of money they earn which was highly entertaining. But as ever, the topic of marriage was the best commenting on observations of his own wife and of other relationships. He tried something a little different with a two minute quickfire portrait of speed dating to divorce which recieved much appraisal but at times was often hard to keep up with.

He touches upon many issues about his relationship with his wife such as shopping where he takes a personal but hilarious jibe at Trinny and Susannah using the phrase 'she turns into trinny and tranny' to which the audience burst into laughter and he goes on to explain 'well one of them have a look, thats all i'm saying, have a look'.

He ended with his trademark Bohemian Rhapsody mime which was entertain however i would have prefered something new and original. Despite the lack of originalty i was still left with a saw jaw and along with the other members of the audience gave him a standing ovation. So his method of comedy stand up does still work however i feel it is now out of touch from the up and coming comedians of today and he must do much more if he is going to compete with the likes of Michael MacIntyre, Frankie Boyle and Russel Howard.

The Perfect Couple

Travelling back from my Uni in Preston last night i was graced with the precense of a celebrity couple on my train. As they were celebrities they of course travelled in 1st class and I spotted them on the Euston platform with their bullet proof suitcases in hand. The famous couple; Mario and Lisa. From where? Big Brother.

Perhaps the term 'celebrity couple' is not just when referring to Big Brother stars and it was certainly clear that they weren't as of high celebrity status. After I noticed them on the platform but it appeared to me i was the only one, oh except from the virgin train staff, an indication if ever there was one that they've hit the big time! All three of the train staff gathered on the platform waving franticaly at them requesting for 'one last photo' . This did turn heads amongst the travellers however even after the fans had drawn the attention of this years reality star couple the train users were still none the wiser to who the couple were.

PRADA

As they strolled through the station heading, like me, for the Victoria line it did seem some what weird that the Macho Mario was pushing his four wheeled suitcase while Lisa was carrying hers. Still going unnoticed they continued onto the Tube where I carried on my inspection. I felt ashamed that i was so intrigued into this couple however I could not take my eyes off them. Limited seats were on offer on the tube as they always are but gentlemanly Mario offered Lisa the seat and stood guard over her with the suitcases poised between his legs.

I turned my attention to Mario with his Prada sunglasses which had been left on from the train station into the Underground clearly the sun was still too bright for him at 9 o'clock on a September evening deep underground. But he wouldnt be a celebrity if he wasnt trying to hide his identity would he. Well i'd say he was doing a great job as he was still going unnoticed amongst 'the general public'. The clothes, the suitcases and the tan were a clear indication to me that they had been away for the weekend. The train destinations were glamorous Crewe, Manchester and Milton Keynes. Some celebrity lifestyle.

PowerCut = Powerless

Waking up on a Sunday morning and reaching for the TV control to realise that it wasn’t working bought me some discomfort and after some further investigative work my worst nightmare had come true. There was a power cut.
What should I do?
Such is my life that it revolves around electricity before thinking of what there was that I could possible do I went to make a cup of tea but oh no! No electricity no cup of tea unless I resorted back to the boiling water in a saucepan tradition such was my desire for my Sunday morning tea I did. I then thought of the laptop but unsurprisingly it had been left not charging with low life. So as an A level student currently taking my exams you would have thought that this was the perfect opportunity to catch up on some revision whilst there were no distraction of Playstation, TV or the internet a.k.a facebook, the A level destroyer. Many students are wasting their ‘revision’ time on facebook uploading pictures, browsing other peoples profiles or updated their own and chatting to ‘online friends’ who when you meet in the real world a brief hello is all that is exchanged. Status, where people reveal there certain emotion or feelings, are now expresses their annoyance with facebook examples such as, ‘if I fail my A levels I’ll blame facebook’, ‘facebook ruined my life’ and ‘I’m at war!.. with facebook’. Facebook has become an addiction for students like me where when we sign on to a computer and go on the internet the first point of call is facebook, it has become an obsession with many people spending their time just being online, not actually doing anything and just being ‘online’ in case they miss something such as a new notification – a picture comment or a message.
Why not just delete it!
Such is the strength of the addiction that if a profile was deleted the person would feel the urge to recreate his/her profile within minutes after deleting it and therefore taking up a lot more valuable revision time.

So back to my original point and power cut problem. I should have been doing some revision but it was Sunday morning and after a heavy night I gently crept make in to bed in the hope that by the time I woke up the power would be up and running again and my revision excuses would be once again on offer. This powerless control I have in that there is nothing to do leads me to think what did people do before electricity, well I would imagine they would lead a structured life.

Langley Park remain ever Hopeful

LANGLEY PARK School’s 1XI hockey team beat off rivals Kent College to secure the Kent Cup for the Bromley based comprehensive side. The eagerly awaited fixture took place after a convincing nine nil victory over Simon Langton of Canterbury in the Semi's with Kent College, 'KC', beating Sutton Valence 3-0 in the other semi.

The game began with Langley providing much of the early pressure however they were fully aware of the threat KC could cause on the break. Most of the chances in the first half fell Langley's way providing some impressive and crucial stops from England under 16 keeper Diccon Stubbings. The deadlock was finally broken midway through the first half when newly transferred turned Langley boy Michael Lawrence finished a fine attacking move slotting the ball past the onrushing keeper.

Langley went into the break one up and were encouraged by head coach Sam Naismith to 'keep their heads'. Langley continued to attack in the second half creating more openings to further their lead with KC producing very little upfront. The main aim of the half was to wear the opponents down and to gain more short corners, a target that was met by the players and mid-way through the second half Langley had got their second.

The corner that initially was blocked by the KC defence but after pressure from the forwards and a shot rebounding back off the post the ball fell to Matt Granell who lifted it passed the helpless keeper into the roof of the net. Langley managed to contain their composure for the remainder of the game however seemed poised for a nail biting last few minutes after it looked as if Kent College had pulled one back when a driven ball was deflected in. After strong appeals of a 'foot', from Langley players most noticeable enraged captain William Bishop throwing his stick to the ground. Umpire Mr Hardy paused the game briefly to converge with his partnering umpire and after a short in depth discussion the goal was ruled out much to the despair of Kent College, brandishing Hardy a cheat. Five minutes later the full time whistle sounded to the delight of the Langley Boys and the small army of supporting parents.

The victory rounded off a successful day for Langley with the 1XI completing a hat trick of victories with both the under 14's and 16's winning. Thoughts now turn to the South-East finals this Sunday where Langley go on to represent Kent competing against other schools in hope of reaching the nationals were the top schools in the country compete to be the best in England.

Such A Chambles

Just a quick line over the controversy surrounding Dwain Chambers as has been bugging me most of the week!

So he won the British trials and was rightly picked to represent Great Britain, so why o why is he suffering. Yes he is different from the other athletes but the difference between him and the rest is not that he is a cheat but he is a cheat which has owned up.

He has done wrong and he knows that but if the rules were put in correctly at the start by the head of UKathletics and the IOC to ban FOR LIFE athletes who have taken or take drugs then the issue like many others over the years would not have been a problem.

To blame the selection of Chambers forced through the underperformance of other athletes such as Craig Pickering is not only unfair but cowardly offering the selectors an easy way out of the situation. So Pickering bottled it, good, if Pickering can't deal with the pressure of the British trials then how is he going to ever cope in the Indoor World Championships let alone The Olympics.

And this whole malarkey about not paying for his flights, accommodation or training is ridiculous if he is going to compete for Great Britain then surely we should give him equal if not better facilities than the rest as he seems the only one who will avoid the trap that is British mentality, so he said 'no British athlete can win a gold without drugs' - good point!

I also find the comment made by Kelly Holmes blasting Chambers a 'cheat' very intriguing and somewhat ironic. So there she was at the age of 34 winning not only one gold medal but two in the 800m and 1500m both extremely tough endurance races. This all came after she had suffered a number of leg injuries while training in 2003 leading up to Athens and was diagnosed by a doctor with clinical depression going on to take herbal anti-depressants is that all the doctor prescribe her though!